Embracing Both Sides- A Personal Essay by Vivian Khader

As someone of mixed race, being raised in a society with a limited range of cultural diversity can be especially challenging in terms of self identity. Growing up, I often identified with my Caucasian heritage rather than my Palestinian ethnicity due to the bad reputation I heard being preached about the Middle East regarding relations with events such as 9/11. Because I feared projecting the violent prejudice that society holds against Middle Eastern cultures, I created a negative conception of my own culture internally. This lasted until my Grandfather passed away. After following my family through the intense Islamic grieving process, my previous mindset had entirely changed. This led me to embrace my ethnic background; hoping to learn everything there was to learn about the culture and religion.

While attending my Grandfather’s funeral, I was able to explore new cultural boundaries as I participated and evaluated each step of the Islamic mourning process. First, I learned that in Islamic faith, mourning periods are dependent upon the relationship one had with the deceased. If the relationship had with the deceased is within the family, one must mourn for three days. On the third day, the funeral service is held and a series of religious rituals occur. I faced each stage, from the family grieving portion in which we surrounded my Grandfather and expressed our condolences, to the time of worship at the Mosque where Islamic prayer took place. Towards the end of the service, we observed as each son, brother, and nephew contributing to the burying of my Grandfather.

This segment of the ceremony was hard to watch because of the visible pain it was bringing my Father. As I was completely unfamiliar with this ceremonial act, I could not understand why he had to participate in such an intense activity. However, I learned that this stage was meant to represent closure and unity within the family circle. I was then able to abandon my previous biases about the Palestinian lifestyle once I had witnessed, first hand, the emphasis on love in the culture.

Participating in an occasion that was so culturally focused, led me to acknowledge the significant differences between Western and Palestinian culture, specifically regarding death. I wanted to know more than that and became drastically more curious about Middle Eastern history and the religion of Islam. Following the day of the funeral, I dedicated a majority of my life to researching everything to do with the Middle East. For further information, I read articles online, watched documentaries, and reached out to primary sources such as my Dad and other family members. As I became more educated on the historical, cultural, and religious aspects, I found myself bringing Middle Eastern study into classroom discussions and incorporating their current events into presentations with hopes of changing the common prejudice. In addition, I began openly sharing my experiences with racial discrimination in airport settings, as well as frequently attending protests for Middle Eastern issues; such as the Muslim Travel Ban Protest in 2017. Eventually, I started empathizing with those of different cultures, which aided in introducing me to a new interest in social justice. I used film as an outlet for social justice purposes which has really impacted my current film style.

Throughout this developmental time I spent educating myself on my ethnic background, I obtained a new respect for my cultural identity. I learned that this confidence would not only help me advance myself in terms of success, but more importantly accepting every aspect of myself.

I realized that it would be more beneficial to myself and my work if I applied everything I learned into filmmaking. By implementing my heritage along with other social justice related topics into my creative projects, I discovered my purpose as an individual and a creator.