Being Mixed 2: Interview with Kiani By Aph
Interviewed and Photographed by Aph
What is your mix and how do you identify within it?
I am half Jamaican and half English. My grandparents (father’s parents) were born in Jamaica and part of the Windrush generation that came to the UK from the Caribbean islands during the 1950s and 60s. Culturally I identify as British, as both my parents were born in the UK and I was raised here. However, ethnically, I identify as mixed-race due to my skin colour, or brown, or something similar.
How has being mixed has affected your life?
It was very confusing growing up. I was raised solely by the white British half of my family and had little exposure to my cultural heritage as a child, meaning I never saw myself as any different to any of my Caucasian school friends. But I was bullied, badly. People didn’t like it because I was brown but I had a white mother, of course I couldn’t understand the problem with it. I have often felt like an outsider in my own family because I was the only brown one. People have always seen me as ‘different’ or ‘exotic’ or ‘interesting’ or something new.
Do you relate to one culture more than another/others? Why do you think that you do/don’t?
I definitely relate to my British culture more than my Jamaican, because I was pretty much only brought up by that half of my family unfortunately.
Have you experienced othering? Can you give an example?
Oh my goodness, all the time! People don’t know how to treat you because you ‘don’t belong’. You aren’t Black and you aren’t white so what are you? I have spent my whole life trying to stop people from touching my hair without permission. I have spent my whole life trying to explain to people that I’m British, even though I’m brown and have curly hair. If I had £1 every time someone asked me where I was from, I’d be a rich woman. They always say, ‘but where are you really from?’ when the only thing they actually want to say is ‘why is your skin that colour?’. The audacity is honestly astounding, I’d never interrogate someone’s heritage upon first meeting them, but somehow, it’s acceptable.
Where do you feel most at home?
Honestly, anywhere accepting! I was raised in the middle of England, where there is still a lot of prejudice. I moved to Liverpool for university and then Edinburgh for a PhD and I’ve found both of these cities to be a lot more multicultural and understanding than the small town where my family live. Anywhere that I won’t be stared at for being the only brown kid.
Were you brought up learning/knowing about your different cultures? If not, have you become more interested in this?
As a child my mum sent me to a summer club that was held at the West Indian Community Centre in my town. We’d learn all sorts of things, traditional cooking, arts and crafts, geography etc. I loved it, I loved being around other kids that looked like me, because I didn’t have that at home. As an adult I’ve had mixed feelings, often I don’t want to go about pointing out that I’m mixed-race or drawing attention to my heritage more than my skin colour already does. I suppose I’m afraid of the racism and discrimination that is still present. Which disappoints me; because I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am.
How do you feel about speaking or not speaking multiple languages? (if this applies
to your heritage)
This doesn’t really apply to me as they speak English in Jamaica! I mean, there is Creole and lots of dialect but in general it is the same.
Do you feel represented/seen in mainstream media?
Not at all. I’ve seen an increase in the representation of Black communities in the media which is incredible and I love it. But mixed people, not so much. Another thing you never see is mixed ethnicity relationships. And that really upsets me because it normalises this culture of white people have to be with white people and Black people have to be with Black people. And so where do I fit in with that? Who do I date? It’s bizarre, and untrue. And perpetuates a feeling that certain people will not find you attractive which can be very damaging.
Are there any objects/practices/things that you relate or connects you to your different cultures?
No, unfortunately not.
Is there anything else you want to add?
When you’re mixed-race, people love to say ‘you have the best of both worlds’ and I’m not entirely sure what they mean by that. People love to comment on what they don’t understand, but, even so, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
