I’m Black, I’m White, and I’m Neither - By Georgia-Mai McIntosh
When growing up you are constantly forming your own identity, whether subconscious or consciously you question: Who am I? Where do I come from? Where do I belong?
Being Mixed Race comes with challenges unaware to others. With my mix being Black and White, I found myself being too Black for White people and too White for Black people. This kept me constantly situated in a state of confusion, as I felt as if nowhere was my correct place. I was all too aware from a young age that when occupying dual heritage, my own feelings of uncertainty came from extensions of other people’s perspectives and labels that were placed upon me. This process of ‘othering’ is common due to people not knowing how to place Mixed Race people socially, which results in them acting upon generalized stereotypes. My own experiences encouraged me to carry out my own research to gain an understanding that could validate what I had felt my whole life, as well as to further voice the realities of Mixed Race people and the narratives they live out.
Common feelings expressed through research regarded family members from either side of the family not knowing who you truly are. Othering from family and your community can make you feel as though you are the ‘strange’ one, as you can’t wholly be placed anywhere. When occupying this place of ‘limbo’, there is a beauty within it. How special that you hold this mix of races within you, despite the tensions they may embody against each other in society; they combine within you. Achieving this harmony is what I can only hope Mixed Race individuals everywhere because it brought a lot of clarity to my own life.
There are privileges that come with being Mixed with White, as you are seen to be less ‘different’ compared to your other ethnic POC counterparts. This can benefit you educationally, career-wise, even romantically. Although this advantage may play out unrecognizably, it is uncomfortable to know you hold it. Through extensive interviews with Mixed Race young adults, I found this narrative to recurring throughout their childhood and young adulthood thus far. When younger this plays out passively, as you don’t have the conscious mind to form this. When older, it is distasteful because you are aware you are neither one or the other; you are both. So having a privilege being seen as closeness to Whiteness feels invalid as to White people you are still viewed as a Black person. Again, this links back round to being in a state of limbo.
This privilege acts upon negative stereotypes, which is where the discomfort arises from. In terms of romance, when Mixed Race there is an extreme familiarity with being referred to as ‘exotic’. People are intrigued by you, no matter what your race is, but this plays out in a negative face of colorism, as you are only seen as more compelling visually due to being a ‘watered down’ version of the POC race. In my study I found physical aesthetics to be a huge contributing factor to all of the participants’ identity confusion, due to comments regarding skin tone and hair being the main contributing factors. A combination of factors from parents, school, and peers create stereotypes that are placed upon you, which may not be true to yourself. What is important for Mixed Race individuals is to find their own identity, without having the pressure of focusing on one ethnicity or the other, as that may invalidate how they feel internally.
For this to happen, a focus needs to be placed on the journey to forming ones’ own identity, rather than what the actual identity is itself. For something so personal, there needs to be an understanding for the wider community that they shouldn’t pressure Mixed Race people to be who they expect them to be, as well as Mixed Race individuals do not need to feel as if they have to be a certain way based on others attitudes towards them. By raising our voices on behalf of ourselves, and others, will help create noise to make more space in society to understand the Mixed Race is in-fact a normal and common identity to hold, and that we are no different, better, nor inferior compared to anyone else in society; being Mixed is unique and it is a truth that must be told.
Texts referred to, for further reading on these topics:
Alibhai-Brown, Y. (2001). Mixed Feelings. London: The Women's Press Ltd
Caballero, C. (2010). Lone Mothers of Children from Mixed Racial and Ethnic Backgrounds: A Case Study . Single Parent Action Network
Gardner, G. (2001). Unreliable memories and other contingencies: problems with biographical knowledge. Qualitative Research, 1 (2), 185-204.
Moné. B. (2018). What You'll Never Understand About Being Biracial. Available: https://www.marieclaire.com/culture/a15941992/biracial-in-america/. Last accessed 11th December 2019
Morley, D and Street, C (2014). Mixed Experiences: Growing up mixed race- mental health and well-being. London: National Children's Bureau
Rockquemore, K E and Laszloffy T (2005). RAISING BIRACIAL CHILDREN. Oxford: AltaMire Press
Tizard, B & Pheonix, A (1993). Black, White or Mixed Race?. London: Routledge .